January 12th

Today is my brother’s birthday. When we were younger he got me into bands like Smashing Pumpkins, No Doubt, 311 and Bush. Later he got me to buy music from Nero, Zomboy and many more. He was a part of an organization in Chicago through college that booked me my first paying solo DJ gig after touring behind Dave Matthews Band. It was an outdoor event without many active listeners, but I edited an over four hour set for it, which benchmarked our musical brotherhood. Happy Birthday Jeff.

January 7th, 2019

Have you ever had a “Worst day ever”. I had one less than a month ago and a few consecutive days similarly up to yesterday. It’s like a conspiracy against you personally. Your own pet peeves, inconveniences, annoyances, principles – all tested and perfectly timed to bring you to your knees, tears or some reckless, vengeful counter actions. I used to drink or smoke and take these kind of days out on my health. Some people talk in support groups or on the phone for hours to someone they can trust instead of unwinding in a bar or other get-together. These days I try to vent it out to myself while power-walking like I’m marching to spiel my case before the judge. Those can defeat the purpose if you are swearing towards the heavens. Yesterday I went kamikaze on my possessions or belongings. I had recently bought an edited copy of Drake’s ‘Scorpions’ and was saving it for later. I hadn’t heard the one after ‘Views’, so I was thinking of hunting down that one first. However I also recently discovered that Best Buy no longer carries compact discs!

I resolved to get rid of all my new CD’s, most of which I blogged about here and return the unopened Drake. I went to the record shop and got $9.50 for everything including my only book from the previous post.

To continue the karma journey also blogged about on this site, I traded that voucher for ‘Peggle Dual Shot’ (Nintendo DS). It’s a game by the company PopCap. They are geniuses at game creation, especially fairly simple concept ones that keep you casually entertained for hours. Many games I played between the years of 2007 and 2011 weren’t available to me when I was teaching overseas, so I regretfully played games that were available on hacked hardware. Since my TV show/video karma/repentance journey is getting slimmer, I was thinking of adding more choices from games I spent a lot of time on in that world too.

Beware of this kind of stuff in Asia as it is or was widely available in places that seem like reputable shops. Some people may think they are at least supporting the industry and company by buying accessories, hardware and what-not, but the ‘chilling effects’ they call it in movie piracy are real. I experienced and still do today, side effects of the seemingly harmless hobby. After it struck on my conscience when my eyes were opened, I experienced major depression and soul tax (spiritual worthlessness, loss of appetite, guilt, emptiness, etc.) For a long time it can be hole you think you can never get out of when you think of how many people are involved and associated with one movie for example, when you are reading the credits.

After this portion of my day I continued to Guitar Center to try to share more with readers of this blog visually. I tried to buy a Go Pro 7 for still shots, which isn’t what they are designed for, but the only place I had available credit at the moment for such an investment. After I returned home with some other accompanying purchases, I realized I received incorrect information and had to return everything to two more stores. I hope my mostly worst week ever has ended, but I tried to tell myself this morning, before doing community service around where I work, that the ‘karma-scale’ was still balancing itself out in my seemingly unfair extra-curricular life. Possibly the war inside my head with God was preparing me for this part of my endless journey. It sometimes feels like throwing money out the window, but if you have or will have the same problem, trust me – it’s worth it. If your prayers aren’t answered right away and you feel the same about some ‘worst days’, keep fighting it; keep trying to do the right thing. Evil is your worst enemy and wants you to fail or die. You may coast along for many years thinking nothing is wrong and think you have found one day there is no way out and can be too stubborn to turn around from the grave, but there is a lot more light in that darkness than you could ever believe.

Song of the week /// Romeo Santos – La Diabla/Mi Santa feat. Tomatito

2019 New Beginnings

I knew someone who used this phrase like a catchy positive way of life. It has stuck with me for over ten years. Really it comes from an independent woman type whose focus was on success. Everyone thinks of new associations and moving forward as concepts similar to this. Problem many people have is they say it’s all been done or all my firsts are this and that… Approaching life with this mentality creates jealousy and other unhealthy habits. One step in renewal of your life besides a vegan diet for example is religious. Christ forgives us of sin. With repentance and his help – our minds, bodies and spirits become new. Our past relationships or experiences are transformed not only individually, but in relationships. I read a book in my most recent search for renewal in such a way called “single.dating.engaged.married.” It’s a Christian life book. I was desperate to get out of past traps to think about a new relationship after seven years single and to give someone a chance of a new kind of single me. There is a little bit for everyone discussing the most popular topics in relationships and some I learned the hard way through failure. If anyone needs a healthy format to their mental hard drive, so to speak, surrender to Jesus on this book. Have no fear about any awkward spots or personal stuff in there because the author is a professional with proven experience and puts his trust in Jesus also to guide our lives because we all make stupid mistakes. This is the last book I’ve read since the bible and I rarely read. It’s fairly easy to get through quickly granted your goals are in the title above.

To : ‘New Beginnings’